i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
