Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
