My sheets look like a crime scene.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Sober January is a disaster.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
