I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
