my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
