I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
