I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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