Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
