Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
