I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
