I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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