Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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