Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
