dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
