I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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