My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
