1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
