last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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