Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
