This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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