chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
