this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
