omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
