Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.