I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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