It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
