on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
