i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
