I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
