none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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