she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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