If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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