FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
