There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
