If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
birth control should be required to get into college
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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