We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
