I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Randomize
