I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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