I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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