I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
