Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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