Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
