i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
