C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
ok first of all what the fuck
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
