New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
