you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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