I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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