im so drunk with asians
where?
always
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
