My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
