Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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