wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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