I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
