Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
