I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
