Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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