I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
