My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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