no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
