If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
