I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
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just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
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They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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