Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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