I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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