hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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