I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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