sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
