Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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