He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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