Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
