I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
