The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
