I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
zippers are such a cool invention
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
