I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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