Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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