at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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