1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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