so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
