I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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