my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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