So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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