my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
