You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
