Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
