Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
