I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i came on her dog
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
