In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize