So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
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i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
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last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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