She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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