Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
