Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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