My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
